I looked into those eyes and I saw an absolute sadness. But there you were, speaking as if nothing had happened, contemplating to assure me that you are everything but crushed. My dearest, I know the taste of defeat, and no matter how hard you try to hide them, one who has been there would be able to smell it. But it is understandable for you to act like this; it is good to be positive, so you put on that smile on your face, but clearly you were struggling in convincing me that I should not be worried.
My dear, you should know by now that I am not that easy to be convinced. One look into your eyes and the seconds you speak; those are just enough for the sadness to be felt, flowing through my blood vessel, and filled the insides of the heart. I need not you to admit especially if you don’t want to, but I am hoping that you understand my intention — that I am here for you always. It is never wrong to feel the way you are feeling right now. It is never a weakness. Even heroes have the right to bleed. Ti amerò per sempre con tutto il mio cuore, non importa quello che accadrà.
I get terribly upset when important things begins to fail, but I am no quitter. However there are matters that will go against you no matter how hard you push and fight for its survival, that you realised you are actually losing. And yet, I refused to give up; I might have wavered, leaning close to forfeiture due to my anger that can’t forgive someone or some people for taking all of us for granted, which in turns become the reason I returned to where I was before. Perhaps I am stubborn, or some even called me an idiot for having this trait tattooed on my veins and bones, as I am always the one that stays, standing still in the dust storm of desert, believing that it will end soon and having this faith has always been a problem, because there is always a risk that the storm ends up destroying everything, leaving you a pile of twisted threads that you can’t untangled. So I asked myself, is this another scene in my life where I’d be the stupid believer again and I have no answers for I never know if I don’t do something. Still, it is unpleasant to be this sort of person, because in the end, regardless of the outcome, I’d be taken for granted.. as always. So here I am, willingly to be sacrificed in this ridiculous maze of man-made tornado, and I don’t give a damn about you and your inexcusable reasons because I will fight hard and I will even kick your arse if I have to. The one thing that I resent is for one who does not show a proper sense of responsibility when he holds the authority.
Judging from the dark void of space between us,
and the deafening silence you’ve been slipping under my door,
I’m assuming it is not possible anymore.
Another reason why I love New Girl so much. I completely share the same thoughts of hers, and everything else, except that she has pretty face despite looking like a dork. I just look like a dork. Anyway, after deliberating on the routes I’ve taken in this life of mine, I couldn’t help but think that I have the worst timing and luck. This is not really a complain, but actually, it is an acknowledgement. I have a mixed feelings on this, as I feel sad and helpless on this, because obviously I can’t change anything about it, but at the same time I am at peace, where I’ve come to terms that this is my life. It is what it is. And the only thing I could possibly change is my future. And that’s not guaranteed, either. But it is okay.
Gif source: whosthatgirl-itsjess
Are you even out there? Sometimes I wonder if we were going to meet at all.
At times I feel like writing anonymously. Because there are times I am dissatisfied with the way I am writing because I can’t be fully honest and I have no trust left to hand out. There are some words I kept inside to myself that I don’t want to reveal. But I want it to be out there, just exist, for my own sake, and be free from the cage inside my heart.
I am living in a society that looks down on people who are hopelessly romantic. I am one, and I’ve seen and heard others talked about it as if it is a crime. (sighs) I don’t get it, what’s wrong with having faith that true love does exists? Sometimes the responds I got makes me feel like I am the ridiculous one. And supposedly they didn’t agree, they should just agree to disagree, instead of mocking us.